The Mr Beaver Script

The entire story would be narrated by a soothing, neutral voice as Mr Beaver experiences his multiple, gruesome demises. Because that's funny... well I think so.

Mr Beaver Narration:

Mr Beaver awoke with a start,

He found himself alone in the dark.

Looking around he saw a cave,

Little did he know, it would be his grave.

From the shadows came a snort,

By a dragon Mr Beaver had been caught.

The dragon reared up and seared him to the bone,

But not one second later, Mr Beaver woke up at home.

“What a scary dream.” Mr Beaver said, and many would agree,

So he went to the kitchen to make some tea.

He turned on the stove to boil the water,

But an unfortunate gas leak would lead him to the slaughter.

Again Mr Beaver awoke in shock,

“Alright, this Groundhog day shit has got to stop!”

But Mr. Beaver’s plea fell on deaf ears,

As later that day he took a long walk off a short pier.

And on, and on, it went,

Mr Beaver would die and wake up, no matter his intent.

He woke up in the heart of Yugoslavia,

And was shortly thereafter, gunned down by the Mafia.

He found himself in a submarine, but he was not impressed,

As his eyes popped out of his head when it decompressed.

He bought himself a gun, the situation was dire,

But lost his head when his gun misfired.

Mr Beaver took a trip across the world to avoid the pain,

Then he became toothpaste, sucked out through a hole in the plane.

He boarded up his home, plank after plank,

Until a tsunami came and his little home sank.

He was electrocuted to death by a Rumba,

And later O.D’ed on some terrific cocaine from Cuba.

He boiled and froze in the vacuum of space,

And then drove off a bridge in an impromptu street race.

He Tried to calm his nerves with a delicious Big Mac,

But hit the ground dead from a “unrelated” heart attack.

Mr Beaver fed the ducks in the park,

He wasn’t expecting to be eaten by a shark.

Mr Beaver’s prospects seemed unattractive,

when a nuclear launch left things radioactive.

As the deaths kept mounting Mr Beaver’s sanity began to slip,

He ran outside enraged, on reality he had lost his grip.

Mr Beaver, looked to the sky to yelled with all he’d got,

“Come on universe, gimme’ me your best shot!”

The wind swelled and then… silence,

“Finally.” Mr beaver thought “An end to all this violence.”

He walked away, bedraggled and maimed,

From this nightmare he had become brave, unashamed.

So ends our story, but death can come slow or it can come fast,

So, dear audience, live every day like it’s your last.